#my husband suggested to just randomly put a drag queen into all of my fics now

[floraone]

So, this is to my guest reviewer who got so offended that I mentioned drag queens in Would You Like To Date My Friend, Chiba Mamoru? that they felt compelled to write me a long review about how much I wasted their time and should not bring my worldviews into my writing.

So… here! Have some more drag queens! :D

-

“Are we really sure this is… necessary?” Mamoru mumbled, eyeing the duct tape warily.

Usagi wasn’t helping. She looked more unsure than he did. And frankly, that wasn’t very reassuring given the fact that she was about to duct tape his newly shaven dick up his ass.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Minako said from behind the paravent. “You gotta look authentic!”

“Right,” he sighed, spread his thighs apart a little wider with a flush, and nodded for Usagi to start.

Unsurprisingly, duct tape on your junk hurt. He winced immediately, 

“Sorry, sorry, sorryyyy,” she cried, but never stopped with the tape. 

Yup. He was now pretty grateful Minako had insisted on that full-body wax for him. 

He closed his eyes and just let her do it, even when she knelt in front of him and looked at his junk and the tape as if it were the most complicated of all IKEA furniture she’d ever have to put together.

“How’s this even supposed to…” she mumbled in frustration.

“He’s supposed to look flat,” came the very helpful remark from the other side. 

“Duh.” Mamoru and Usagi rolled their eyes in perfect synchronization, before he winced again, hissing through his teeth.

“Sorryyyy!”

“Ok, so,” Makoto’s voice this time. “You’re supposed to like, tuck them back up.”

“Back up?!” Usagi said, eyeing his testicles varily.

Mamoru’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline in spontaneous panic.

“Like, there’s supposed to be this little pocket? Where they came from? You’re supposed to shove them back in, or up, and the dick is supposed to go like, all the way back to the ass crack.”

“Where are you reading this from?” he asked, trying to not sound panicked.

“WikiHow!”

Uh…

He looked down at his fiancée wide-eyed, who wasn’t looking back much better.

Shaking his head though, he grabbed downstairs, deciding to take matters into his own hand after all and quite literally, and subsequently tried to shove it all up himself - and actually, yeah… kind of? A pocket??  

He nodded down towards her and yuppp, tape down there really, really hurt. 

He wasn’t looking forward to taking that back off. Really, he wasn’t. 

What he didn’t do for the mission…

“Right,” Usagi announced, quite proudly. “He’s flat now!”

A cheer from the other side of the paravent, and then a hipster slip thrown over the side of it that he quickly stepped into. And with that, he supposed his paravent privacy rights were over, because it was shoved away, and he was handed a pair of shiny see-through black tights and a black bra.

“Here’s your boobs,” Minako said with a wink, and handed him a pair of silicone pads. 

He sighed long and hard, even when Usagi was already grabbing them from him and stuffing them into his bra.

“Is this really–” he tried again.

“Of course it’s necessary!” Minako interrupted him, then motioned for him to sit on the stool before her vanity.

He really didn’t like the look of that glue she held up.

“Sit!” she ordered.

He did, but eyed her suspiciously.

“Oh c’mon!” Minako groused. “Trust me a little! I got you!”

He sighed, and closed his eyes, and felt Minako attack his eyebrows with glue. To better camouflage them away with make-up, she later explained, and paint him new ones.

“Ok so,” Ami said from the side of Minako’s bed, detangling some cables to stick into her impromptu equipment. “Once you’re inside, scout the perimeter. If you wear your mic and earpiece, I have you on monitor the whole time. Try to track anything even remotely suspicious.”

“Right,” he mumbled, eyes back open. Minako was dabbing his face in nude colored make-up and it felt like she was painting him a new one.

“Full contour?” Rei asked next to her.

“Of course!” she mumbled, took a new brush, a new color, and wiped at his cheekbones.

“We’ll be in the audience the whole time,” Ami continued. “The second you notice something that looks like the attack, or a portal, or a weapon, or anything, one of us transforms and will be right with you.”

“A weapon?!” Usagi shrieked.

“And try to keep close to the other Queens, protect them. Try to take the hit for them if worst comes to worst.”

“WHAT?!” Usagi bellowed.

But he nodded. “Right,” he said, at the same time as Rei who rolled her eyes at Usagi and barked a, “Give him some credit, will you? He can take it!”

That was the whole reason they were doing this, after all. Someone had been threatening the local queer community for a while, and after ‘only’ hate speech in the mail, started making serious threats especially to the little drag theater they were trying to protect tonight. And since the last attack had been supernatural in nature, and this one was almost a sure bet, the local police had contacted the Senshi and asked for their assistance.

It had been Minako’s idea of course. That their best shot was to have someone undercover in the show who tries to take the brunt of the attack.

Usagi had been first to volunteer - use the Luna Pen, turn herself into a Beautiful Drag Queen. Mamoru had been first to protest and volunteer as tribute in her stead.

He wasn’t letting any more crazy people try and blow up his girlfriend.

Everyone had agreed (except Usagi.)

Minako was glueing fake eyelashes on him when Rei spoke up again, tapping her finger to her chin as she watched Minako work. 

“We need a good drag name for you,” she mumbled thoughtfully.

“Mamoko!” Usagi cried from her perch on the floor right beside his stool.

He smiled - the others rolled their eyes.

“That’s not a drag name,” Rei shot in her direction with that ’are you daft, again?’ inflection to her voice, dismissing her.

“Princess Flower?” Makoto suggested. “Rosa Mask? Rosa Tux? Golden Thorne?”

“Domina Masque?” Ami threw in with a shrug, and Mamoru threw her an offended look.

“Ooooh!” Minako cried. “I like it! We gotta get you a mask!”

He sighed long and hard - but was tutted for it - Minako was working on his lips.

“Here I got your butt!” Makoto said, holding up the newly finished spanks with foam hot-glued in it. 

He sighed even harder.

It was when Minako was done with the make-up, and the girls had tucked him into the sparkly red and crazy short sequin dress and zipped him up, that he was starting to not recognize himself in the mirror anymore.

“Damn, girl,” Makoto whistled. “What do you need these legs for?! Why are you so skinny?”

He blushed immediately, looking down at himself.

Minako dabbed some powder to his cheeks, looking pleased, then pulled a nylon net over his head.

“You’re really good at this,” he mumbled thoughtfully.

“Thanks!” she beamed, then winked. “Finally some trust!”

“I wouldn’t go so far,” he chuckled.

She threw him a pointed look, but a smile was dancing over her lips, and she tucked all his hair into the net, then took a razor to his sideburns and the back of his neck. He didn’t even stiffen anymore.

“Just think of me as your mother tonight!” she beamed.

Rei dramatically rolled her eyes. “Minako, you are not a Drag Queen. You don’t get to be his drag mom.”

Minako waved her off with a tsk, but flapped a long dark wig over his head.

When it was done, even he had to blink at his reflection.

It was… actually kind of good? The long dark hair suited him, the smokey eyes and contour kinda…too?

“You know,” Minako commented. “You look a bit like Rei like this.”

“You really, really do,” Usagi hushed, quite breathlessly, quite wide-eyed, cheeks way too flushed, and he couldn’t help but lift his eyebrows at her in the reflection of the mirror.

He really didn’t know what to think when she blushed even harder at that…

“Shoes!” Minako cried happily, interrupting that thought, and presented him with a pay of pretty much sky high transparent peep toes, with a red sole and… and… were those roses in the platforms?!  “I have your slippers, princess,” she said with a smirk.

He looked at them as if she was waving a pair of guns at him. 

“Are you expecting me to be able to walk in that?” he asked incredulously.

She threw him a look of utter annoyance. “Just try, for god’s sake. This isn’t science.”

And so he sighed again, but strapped himself into seven inch shoes with roses in them.

When he got up, Usagi’s hand directly there to clutch his and help him up, he was surprised he could actually somewhat walk on them. 

“You know…” he said, surprised and looking down, “this isn’t actually so bad?”

Minako beamed with pride.

“If I don’t have to actually, you know, walk…?”

Another tsk and dismissive wave of Minako’s hand. “Just hang on to the pole. You’ll be fine.”

“A pole?!”

“Ahh, don’t worry, Just swing around a little on it. Try to look sexy.”

“WHAT?!”

“Like you wanna fuck the audience. Ya know? Look at them like you look at Usagi when she’s yelling something obnoxious at you.”

“MINAKO?!”

And so, about an hour later, mic in his fake cleavage and dick taped to his ass and looking like a Queen, he stood in front of an open stage door with a mission to fulfill.

“Let’s do this then,” he said with one last sigh.

“Yas Queen!” Makoto shouted amusedly, and shut up with a barely contained chuckle at his withering look.

“Showtime!” Minako cried ecstatically, and shoved him down the stage door. “Don’t get killed!”

He sighed again, but got to it.

Minako pressed her fist to her heart. “I am so proud of my daughter,” she beamed, wiping away a fake tear.

“You are NOT HIS MOTHER,” Rei cried again in frustration.

And no one really commented the fact that Usagi kind of really, really seemed to like her fiancé in that get-up.

Eventually, he actually kinda killed it? Before the homophobic monster attacked, of course, and blew it all to smithereens. But even then, Domina Masque looked like quite a stunner throwing those roses.